maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
