if i died would you start the facebook group?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
