The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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