Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
look no pants
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
