Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Couch. On fire.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
