what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
