I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
