so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
