I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
