Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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