She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
