im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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