My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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