I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
