you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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