your room smells of hookers.
And success
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize