what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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