I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
