did you get engaged???
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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