Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
