its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
