At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
