how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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