I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
