Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize