It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got inside last night via doggy door
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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