when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This is my gift to your gina
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
