I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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