im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
