too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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