There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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