erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
