I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
