it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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