Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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