Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
