I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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