the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
