The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
