Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
