im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
