I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
