just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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