You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I AM VODKA MAN
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
