The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
