Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
