I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
