i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
