There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
