I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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