Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
