you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
