I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
