My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
