3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
