nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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