he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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