Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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