i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
