We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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