Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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