i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
