i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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