so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
