My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize