Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
