i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
