Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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