my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
