we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
