tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
