i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Say something about gay babies.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
