my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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