You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize