just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
