blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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