I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
