Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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