The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
