Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
