I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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