Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
