hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You took a bar mat shot.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize