I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
