K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
