things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
