Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
