I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I queefed so loud it echoed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
