i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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