Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
