I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
