does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
