Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
