smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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