omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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