I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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