Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
