he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
