U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
